One of the easiest ways to start improving mental wellbeing is to talk about it.
While it may not seem immediately relevant this video has enabled me to have some really useful discussions about peoples anxiety and mental wellbeing during the pandemic – at work and at home. So as it’s mental health week I thought I would share it and explain why.
What’s the video about?
The woman in the video has a problem. Most of us can see what that problem is straightaway – she has a nail in her head – so surely the solution is just to take the nail out! But is it really as simple as that?
In the video the woman is talking about her problems and the man is trying to solve them. The trouble is she doesn’t want him to. They both become irritated by the other persons reaction.
The obvious learning is that we need to pay more attention to what the other person is saying, in order to understand what they want and how we may be able to help. In this case is the woman actually asking the man to solve her problem? Does he know what she wants from him?
Have you heard of the righting reflex?
The righting reflex is an automatic response to want to try to solve someones problem – even if they haven’t asked you to and even though they might not be ready to think about a solution. Well intentioned the righting reflex generally comes from a caring place but that doesn’t always mean it’s the right response. For a start does the person accept there is a problem and are they ready to think about how to solve it?
I have found this video to be a useful catalyst for conversations about what people are doing to manage the impact of the coronavirus and lockdown on their mental health. It also made me realise that, at home and work, the pandemic is causing people with the righting reflex anxiety too. How do you feel when your automatic response is to provide a solution and there isn’t one! I think many parents will recognise the righting reflex in themselves – I did.
One example of how I used the video was with my daughter she has found ‘lockdown’ very difficult. I asked her to look at the video and tell me what she thought. First we laughed at the absurdity of it and agreed the woman should just take the nail out of her head. Then we talked generally about listening before reflecting on how well we listened to each other. As a result of this conversation we agreed a fix for our problems (a compromise) that worked for us both. I basically agreed to stop making helpful suggestions ( aka stop trying to fix her) and in return she would come out with me for a daily run/walk.
Useful things sometimes these YouTube videos!
One of the easiest ways to start improving mental wellbeing is to talk about it.
So why not start the conversation with your colleagues/familiy by asking them to watch the video and then asking what they think of it. (I’ve done this by sharing my screen during a call on zoom).
If you don’t want to use this video then here’s a link to another video with 5 other tips for starting conversations.